Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
