a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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