question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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