This dress was meant to end up on your floor
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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