I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You are a genius and a whore.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
