I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
