she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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