Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
