You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
