I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
