every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
