i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
