I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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