We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
