Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(707): View more from California

My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.

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(510): View more from California

just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.

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(708): View more from Illinois

I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY

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(519): View more from Ontario

He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.

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(905): View more from Ontario

Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs

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(602): View more from Arizona

you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"

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(248): View more from Michigan

The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.

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