one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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