I hate your face
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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