Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
