so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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