Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
