Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
