that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
