that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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