operation harelip BJ is a go
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
