I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
