Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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