Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
