Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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