We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
