I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
