just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
