Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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