dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
