you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
