I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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