So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
