I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
