Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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