I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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