2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
