Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
