I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
