honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize