I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
