I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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