I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
