This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Randomize
