I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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