Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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