Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dear god my vagina.
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