if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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