On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
