Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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