screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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