i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
