OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
