my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize