you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
