that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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