fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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