If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
