My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
