i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
