she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
