bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize