I am puke
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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