I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
