Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
