i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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