Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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