Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I got inside last night via doggy door
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
