please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
