Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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