Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
