its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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