I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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