He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
