i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
