I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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