Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
