I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize