Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
