I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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