God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
