Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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