My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
