Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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