mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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