The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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