its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize