Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize