Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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