i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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