Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
