gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
