We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
