i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
