we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
