I look better un-naked...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
