All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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