Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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