He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I love you. Go after that dick
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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