my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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